2013 Resolution

This is really late, I know, but I only just decided on a resolution for this year. I'm going to write/blog more. I realised I did not write much in 2012, primarily because my modules in school were interpretation modules and essays do not count. Plus, I blogged a grand total of 4 times last year, one of which was a poem by someone else.

The thing is, blogging doesn't seem to come naturally to me nowadays. You know how when you were young and you would blog about every single mundane thing in your life even though nobody wanted to read about it? That, apparently, fades off with age. Social media websites like Facebook and Twitter probably play a part too. As it is, I'm kinda forcing myself to complete this entry just a teeny-weeny bit.

Anywayss, remember I said in the previous entry I would announce something? Well, that something did not work out. Long story. There's another something in the works now, but I need to wait and it is seriously killing me. I alternate between depression and frustration when I think about it. Depression because I have been lazing around the house for the past 4 months, and frustration because I feel that this waiting is totally unnecessary but I can't do anything about it. Then I'd force myself to remember that God's timing is perfect and that I shouldn't rush Him or complain and feel slightly better. After which, I'll feel desperate and frustrated again and wonder if I should give up. And the cycle goes on and on and on.

5 MINS FROM 2012 and I'm alone at home

This holiday season has been whooo! Someone give me a slap if I ever volunteer to make calendars from scratch again, attempt to cook a 5 course dinner for 6, make cupcakes for 40 people in 2 days, and then plan a thanksgiving dinner for 111 people. Suffice it to say I am now very convinced that I perform best under pressure.

Honestly, today does not even feel like New Year's Eve. How should Christmas Eve feel anyway? How should one feel when a single movement of the minute hand on the clock makes a difference between 2011 and 2012?

Time, time, where do you go

December has once again creeped up on us, bringing to some the anticipation of merrymaking and others a sense of lost time. It has always been my favourite month: gatherings, food, presents and songs. It means that however hard a year I had, it was coming to an end; it also means that I was going to spend time with people whom I had no opportunity to do so with in the year. 

This year though, just seems different. Minimal anticipation and a great deal of sense of loss. I feel I am squandering my time away even as I type this. 

I suppose I should go forward with the intention to celebrate Christmas for its true meaning and not linger over my lack of enthusiasm for the season, and remember that everything that happened this year was in His plan. I just cannot help feeling a tad depressed though. Seeing people talk about their futures on social networking sites makes everything worse. 

Disappointing Myself

Since 2009, there are two times in a year when I would feel very determined to make myself into a determined person, and tell myself that I will be a conscientious student; attend every class annd spend more than three hours on each assignment. So far, this make myself a determined student plan hasn't been working very well. I rarely attend class, leave my assignments till the very last minute and lose my textbook the night before an open-book examination.

The time has come around again. This is its second and last appearance for the year. Will I disappoint myself again?

我寻找爱，因为它能使我欣喜若狂。这种喜悦之情如此强烈，使我愿意为了几个小时的喜悦而牺牲生命中的其他一切。我寻求爱，因为爱能解除孤独--那个可怕的孤独像是一颗颤抖的心灵站在世界的边缘注视着下面冰凉、毫无生气、望不见底的深渊。

The length of our days is seventy years - or eighty, if we have the strength; yet the best of them is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.


Psalm 90:10

我还在寻找 一个依靠 一个拥抱
谁替我祈祷 替我烦恼